Breaking News: Thursday, 16th February, 2006The time and effort required for each Naijarita News article far exceeds its popularity and profitability, so please be patient as I try to put together an editorial team of trained journalists and humorists to create Nigerian news satire for the web, radio, TV and newspapers. Meanwhile, here are some short stories:
Sexy Charles Soludo Plans To Recapitalize Nigeria
CBN Governor Charles Soludo is a very sexy man, He was chosen as the world’s sexiest banker for his feat of making his picture appear in 4 out of every 5 newspapers editions published in Nigeria during 2006. He has cute dimples, lovely brown skin and an infectious smile that makes it easy for us to forget the unemployment he created in the banking sector to reduce his workload as regulator.
If elected as president in 2007, he plans to weed out the weak and poor Nigerians who have been tainted by corruption: by increasing the minimum capitalization requirement of each Nigerian from 0 naira to 400,000 naira. Individuals who cannot raise 400,000 naira cash are advised to put themselves up for acquisition by rich friends or relatives, or else they run the risk of being made available for cherry-picking by slave-masters at 1 naira each.
Okotie’s Tithe As You Earn Plan Wows Pastors
Following his presentation of a novel “Tithe As You Earn” plan to the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), Chris Okotie has been chosen as the 2007 presidential candidate of choice for the followers of Jesus. The plan mandates employers to pay 10% out of each employee’s salary to CAN, so that “the windows of heaven can be opened and blessings poured on poor Christians, who normally dodge their tithes in order to have enough food to eat”.
Following the agreement, Prophet TB Joshua, Chris Oyakhilome and Tunde Bakare have agreed to join CAN in order to lend their support to this powerful move of the Holy Spirit. “Malachi 3:16, which clearly lays down the necessity of tithing, is the only Old Testament commandment that New Testament Christians are required to follow,” they explained, “and so we have decided to set aside our doctrinal differences and collect this money in unity”.
Teenager Warns Fellow Teenagers To Beware Of Good Friends
Miss Bit Che, a 13 year old blogger, has warned fellow teenagers to “beware of good friends who make you feel important”. Such friends, she said, lure you into friendship by “being there for you, using kind words exclusively, and sometimes buying small gifts”. “When you are sad, they make you happy. When you are discouraged, they encourage you and motivate you. They don’t criticize or give unsolicited advice.” According to her, such good friends are dangerous because they make you feel as if you are important and worth it. Whereas you are not.
my middle name is ebenezer but honestly ifeel that our so called christian leaders needs forgiveness. i schooled and grew up in Nigeria, but i strongly belief that what we perceive is not what we see. The good Lord will forgive us all.