Sexy Charles Soludo Plans To Recapitalize Nigeria

CBN Governor Charles Soludo is a very sexy man, He was chosen as the world’s sexiest banker for his feat of making his picture appear in 4 out of every 5 newspapers editions published in Nigeria during 2006. He has cute dimples, lovely brown skin and an infectious smile that makes it easy for us to forget the unemployment he created in the banking sector to reduce his workload as regulator.

If elected as president in 2007, he plans to weed out the weak and poor Nigerians who have been tainted by corruption: by increasing the minimum capitalization requirement of each Nigerian from 0 naira to 400,000 naira. Individuals who cannot raise 400,000 naira cash are advised to put themselves up for acquisition by rich friends or relatives, or else they run the risk of being made available for cherry-picking by slave-masters at 1 naira each.

Okotie’s Tithe As You Earn Plan Wows Pastors

Following his presentation of a novel “Tithe As You Earn” plan to the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), Chris Okotie has been chosen as the 2007 presidential candidate of choice for the followers of Jesus. The plan mandates employers to pay 10% out of each employee’s salary to CAN, so that “the windows of heaven can be opened and blessings poured on poor Christians, who normally dodge their tithes in order to have enough food to eat”.

Following the agreement, Prophet TB Joshua, Chris Oyakhilome and Tunde Bakare have agreed to join CAN in order to lend their support to this powerful move of the Holy Spirit. “Malachi 3:16, which clearly lays down the necessity of tithing, is the only Old Testament commandment that New Testament Christians are required to follow,” they explained, “and so we have decided to set aside our doctrinal differences and collect this money in unity”.

Teenager Warns Fellow Teenagers To Beware Of Good Friends

Miss Bit Che, a 13 year old blogger, has warned fellow teenagers to “beware of good friends who make you feel important”. Such friends, she said, lure you into friendship by “being there for you, using kind words exclusively, and sometimes buying small gifts”. “When you are sad, they make you happy. When you are discouraged, they encourage you and motivate you. They don’t criticize or give unsolicited advice.” According to her, such good friends are dangerous because they make you feel as if you are important and worth it. Whereas you are not.

The woman, known as Mary, was 18 years old when John, her first boyfriend, first proposed marriage to her. He was tall but skinny, sweet and kind but not particularly rich, and he loved her very much. He got down on one knee, kissed Mary’s hand and simply asked “will you marry me?” Her answer was simple enough, “no, John, that will not be possible. We are both young and still students, and moreso even though I like you a lot the truth is that I don’t love you!” They parted ways but he kept in touch and always reminded her of his love.

Five years later, John was working for a small NGO and barely making ends meet. He asked Mary out for a “friendly chat”, but during their date he got down on both knees, and brought out an engagement ring. With tears in his eyes and a quivering voice, he declared his undying love for her and asked her, with great emotion, to be his wife and enjoy his love and care “till death do us part”. She replied, “what part of ‘no’ don’t you understand? The ‘N’ or the ‘O’? I already said I do not love you. We can only be friends, and that’s it! Even if you were the last man on earth …”

After another two years, John visited her again, this time in a shiny black Volvo. He had gained some weight, and now he looked really healthy. He had a expensive suit on his massive shoulders. His driver opened the door for him and he marched briskly into Mary’s apartment. He pressed the doorbell and she opened the door. A look of surprise came to her face as she recognized him and said “come in, please”. The following conversation ensued:

John: Hello Mary, I’m sorry I didn’t visit you all this time.

Mary: *smiles weakly*

John: Well, you know how these oil companies are. They like to overwork their staff; they think they have the right to overwork you because they are paying you 900k per month.

Mary: *opens her mouth as if to say something, then closes it*

John: Anyway, my wife sends her greetings. Do you remember Amina from the University? Well we have a bouncing baby boy and she’s pregnant with my second child!

Mary: *shakes her head involuntarily, then nods “yes”*

John: I can understand your discomfort at my presence and I won’t take too much of your time. Please accept this 50,000 Naira as pocket money since I forgot to give you a Christmas present. And here’s my card, in case you ever need to call me. Bye!

When John got back to his office, there was a message on his answering machine:

My Dearest Honey-Bunny,

Do you know that you are now the only ketchup in my salad? Yes, you are, because I broke up with my boyfriend this afternoon. I was never really in love with him, you know.

Since the first day I met you, I have known that you would be my husband. Yesterday, I fell in love with you all over again. Many waters cannot quench our true love.

I am your Juliet, and you are my Romeo. Our passion, which has nothing to do with filthy lucre, is pure, powerful and eternal. Come, my love, and caress me in pleasant places tonight.

Please kindly accept my application to be your lawfully wedded second wife. Tomorrow we marry!

Your one and only true love and sweetie-pie,
Mary.

That was yesterday. Today they marry. Tomorrow she finds out that it was all a set-up.